not friday yet

so i'm single once again. yeah, i tried to think positively but all the positive thinking in the world can't make that man get his head out of his ass.

on to bigger and better things...and men

now i just dream about my bus boyfriend alot. hey, whatever gets you through the day right??

works has calmed down considerably. i guess life didn't like the taste of me while it was swallowing me whole. it spit me back out again. so here i am. at the moment i have nothing to do at the job and i always get a little uncomfortable when that happens. i keep thinking i must have forgotten something. or like, any second now i'm going to get a slew of emails about all the balls i've dropped. but so far as i can tell its all good.

the new love of my life is my bike. i bought a used beach cruiser off craigslist for $50 and its the bomb!! its damn near brand new, and its been suggested more than once that it was stolen. ...nahhhhh!! i'll have to put a pic up here when i get one. its blue and white with the big fat white-walled tires. no gears, back-breaks. big fat seat which isn't nearly big enough for my big fat butt. and i just got my bell for it today. theres a basket coming and lights and a lock and a helmet cause even though those things are the most ugliest things in all of creation i would hate to end up with brain damage because i'm too cool for a helmet. so lets all keep our fingers permanently crossed that the minute i get all my new stuff attached to it someone doesn't promptly steal it. Shut up, Jumps to Bad Conclusions!! Go pick some berries, or skin a deer or something! (if your unfortunate enough to be reading this and have no idea what the fuck i'm talking about go back and torture yourself some more with my other postings and then you'll understand) but ya know, i forgot how fun it is to ride a bike. i sing uncontrollably when i'm on it, walkman or not. walkman?? i haven't used a walkman in years! anyway, takes me about 40 minutes to ride the 5 miles home...i don't know if that makes me really slow or what but remember...no gears. so people fly by me when i'm going up hill and they fly by me when i'm going down hill. i cruise. so yeah, i feel a little like PeeWee Herman in his first movie. i love that thing. if i can find them in the right colors i'm going to get streamers for the handle bars too.

other than that i go out on the weekends with my alcoholic friends and lead the pack in bad behavior. nah, not really. but i have been over indulging lately. i guess that's to be expected. i'm so fucking predictable...drenching my broken heart in booze. and as much as i'm dieing to get laid i'm too chicken shit to actually pursue that goal. oh and i guess another good thing that still going on are my visits to my old friend Jenny Craig. i've lost close to 35lbs so far. not that its noticeable. when you've got somewhere in the vicinity of a hundred pounds to loose no ones notices until you've lost at least 50 and all your clothes are completely hanging off you. i speak from experience. and then they all think they're cute and start calling you things like "skinny" and say "don't disappear on us" whatever. i'm supposed to be all nice about it because the whole world thinks the most impressive thing any human can possibly do is lose weight since being fat is the sin of all sins. but really, they just don't want to pay for my extra health care. oh, i'm sorry, i'm going off again. just another angry fat chick. it dawned on me today that even after i had lost somewhere around 80lbs (a few years back) i was still fat by all meanings of the word. its crazy. but back to the positive...i'm eating three squares a day and riding my bike all over the place and i feel good. and that's what its all about right.

i've even started entertaining the idea of singing again. but what would i sing? i don't want to sing the songs i wrote like 15 years ago. guess i'll have to work on that catalog while i muster up some guts from somewhere.

alright...i got three more hours to kill. think i'll make it???