little lightbulb

i had this weird realization just right now.

when i was a kid we would get catalogs in the mail. i would go through them, page by page, and write down all the things i wanted. i would write down the prices, and add them up, and think of all the different ways i could save up the money to get all the things i wanted.

i realized, today, that i still do that very same thing. only instead of making lists of random things in catalogs, i shop for things like pets, houses, and cars...and men if i'm honest. craigslist is a legitimate addiction. its like quitting smoking. you may have a good run here or there, a year or two under your belt. but just let the right conditions present themselves. you'll be reading those ads sayin' to yourself "what the hell am i doing?"

intellectually it shouldn't be so shocking to me to think that something i did as a child is something i still do now. i mean, people are like that. duh. but to suddenly realize that my lists went from stuffed animals, clothes and cds to cars. there's no way in hell i can afford a car. i remember going with my mom one time to a furniture store that she loved. she told me she'd never be able to afford anything from there but that she liked to come and look. at the time i thought how depressing. let me go walk around a bunch of stuff i love but can't have. but now i understand.

i know millions of other people do it too.