...and i think its gonna rain today...

i think tonightis going to be the end of my longest, bestest relationship. i'm at work and i'm sad and distracted. if i can make it through the next half hour i won't have to come in early tomorrow...which is good because i haven't been sleeping. i've never had this problem before...where i had to walk away from probably the only man i've ever trusted because i'm not making his list of priorities. and there isn't much room for working it out or talking it over when your told "don't question me"...what the hell are you supposed to do with that? i keep thinking of this old ben harper song where he says...

and its so hard to do
and so easy to say
but sometimes, sometimes
you have to walk away

ain't that the truth! i feel like i'm slowly being swallowed alive by my life these days...the job, the bf...i need a pause button. who knows , maybe he'll suprise me and suddenly start to appreciate what he has and give me the time and attention i deserve...but my alter-ego is winning out on this one. i've always said if i was native american my name would be Jumps to Bad Conclusions. she's all kinds of incharge today.

heres to me not giving my bf enough credit and him suprising me and choosing me and all that shit. and heres to another sleepless night.

me & elliott

here i am with elliot, the opossum...or possum as we call 'em back east. elliott sustained injuries that make it impossible for him to be released back in the wild. one of my friends is a volunteer at an animal shelter where the rehabilitate animals like elliott, and she was given the ok to socialize him because he's going to be an education animal. it was really cool to get to hold a wild animal. :) oh, and don't miss my stellar hairdo!!

happy new year

the holidays are over already. shocking. even though i'm positive about the year ahead i don't know what i'm ready for. and i had a pretty great year, so i feel an odd sense of pressure to have another great year. maybe even better than the last one. which is stupid. but it wouldn't be beyond what i think i deserve because the rest of the 2000s have been fraught with difficulty and pain so i think its about fucking time to have a few really good years. with that in mind i've started working on my new top 10 list. its this thing me and my two gf's do...well, really what we do is get together every other week and work on stuff that we normally don't make time for. we call our meetings "Super stars" and out of that i read a self help book that walks you through steps to create a top 10 "to do" list for the year. i was never a person who set goals. never. but the past two years i've done the little steps in the book to make a top 10 list and all of a sudden i'm getting shit done like no ones business. and its not just thing that i have to do. its what ever i think i need to make a priority or whatever i think is imortant enought to put down on paper and see every day to remind me. like one of the things i put on last years list was "be more sompassionate with family, friends, and myself" thats not a very tangible thing to put on a to do list, but i'll be damned if the general consensus is that i'm easier to talk to and more forgiving and shit like that. so now i'm like totally into the whole having goals thing cause i realized that i'm always at my most content when i feel like i have a plan of action and that i'm doing it. it may sound painfully obvious to some but its a new revelation to me. and the part of the whole process that i like the most is designing my list. i usually make some sort of theme, and get pictures and stuff...i get to play with photoshop...and then i put it up in my bathroom and throughout the year i put stickers on it and cross things off that i've done, or change things on it that i don't want to do anymore or that aren't applicable anymore. by the end of the year i have a miniscrapbook of sorts. so thats what i've been doing with most of my free time. maybe i'll post it on here if i'm not too chickenshit when its done. we shall see. in the meantime i hope the best for everyone this year and for all the years to come. :)