all my boyfriends

ain't that just the cutest picture ever!!

i don't know if anyone else does this, but i have "boyfriends" for every occasion. these are men i think are hot that i have crushes on that i don't pursue. they brighten up my day. for example, for a while i had a delivery-guy boyfriend at work. he worked for dhl, and he delivered packages everyday, and we would have our little exchanges and it brightened up my day. i had my NBA boyfriend, of course rock star boyfriend, and movie star boyfriend. and then there was the bus boyfriend. that person that has the same schedule as you, that you see on the bus almost everyday. and even though you might be thinking all kinds of clever things to say and nasty wonderful things you'd like to do to them, you never talk except for a polite "hi" or "thanks" if they let you on the bus first. least that was my situation. i know other people out there have the same thing...one of my girlfriends had a bus boyfriend too. they had the same excruciating silences that me and my BB have...that is until today. today, for some unknown reason, i was able to channel the energy of the normal person i always wished i could be when he sat down next to me. today when he sat down next to me i was able to say "hi, how are you? i haven't seen you in a long time." and after that we talked the whole bus ride. i've been wanting this guy from afar for over a year (!!) and for some reason today the gods took pity on me and let me actually say the stuff that's normally stuck all up in my head while i silently scream at myself "TALK TO HIM!!!" i finally did it...and of course he's totally nice and normal...as a matter of fact i'm actually more crushed out on him now because he seems like a really cool person...i don't know. i'm sure its really lame to be this happy that i opened my mouth and talked to someone. but some people go their whole lives and never do what i did today. it wasn't just about talking to this guy...its the fact that i finally got up the guts to do it. i think that made me as happy as when i finally took my drivers test and passed. its like, not a big deal. but i've been waiting so long to do it i feel like i've climbed mt. everest or something. eh, i guess i don't have to belittle the things that make me happy. on the one hand i feel like, big fuckin deal. you talked to some guy on the bus. and on the other hand i'm like jumping 20 feet in the air (figuratively of course) going i did it i did it i did it!! the sky's the limit now... now we're gonna end up married with babies for sure! ;)

it's not just me...is it??

jesus, it took me literally 15 minutes to figure out how to log into the "new" blogger....grrrrrr...whatever! ANYWAY...

i was inspired to come on here and do an end of the year wrap up that i saw on a friend of mine's blog. so here i go...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? the AIDS walk in SF (10k)
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i kept a large portion of them, and yes, i will make another list for this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? yes
4. Did anyone close to you die? yes
5. What countries did you visit? none regretfully
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? honestly, more money
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory? January 7th
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? there were 2, getting promoted at work, and getting my drivers licence finally.
9. What was your biggest failure? something that i'm not comfortable writing...yes, it was that bad.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no (knock knock)
11. What was the best thing you bought? birth control and my jenny craig membership
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? mine actually :)
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? the president
14. Where did most of your money go? food and public trans...oh, and booze
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? when my sister lent me her new car for 3 weeks like 2 weeks after i got my licence
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2007? a song called "Premier Gaou"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: as tired, as busy, about as confident of the future? more mellow but as confident
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? travel & exercise
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? eating junk food & wasting money
20. How will you be spending Christmas? with my best friends and family out here on the west coast
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? my bf...even though we only spend a couple of minutes on the phone we talk every single day on the phone so it has to be him.
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? yes
23. What was your favorite TV program? don't really have one that i make a special effort to see but recently i've become addicted to the reality shows where they strap cameras on people and send them into really spooky haunted places. love that!!
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? no, i hate all the same people now that i did then ;)

say, what happened to #25???

26. What was the best book(s) you read? it was called something to the effect of "How to Keep Bees" or "My Life with Bees"...something like that. it was great.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? that i genuinely love listening to classical music
28. What did you want and get? a good relationship
29. What did you want and not get? to lose all the weight i gained back that i had lost
30. What were your favorite films of this year? can't really think of one...quite possibly Elf.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i had a great dinner with almost all my favorite people on this side of the globe. i turned 35.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? again, more money. (to travel, pay off debts, buy a car, etc...i'm trapped by my lack of cash flow, as many of us are)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? whatever fits me that i like
34. What kept you sane? therrrapy (pronounce that like nelly, the rapper. its the only way i say that word)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? johnny depp. always johnny depp.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? war
37. Who did you miss? all the people i love living in places i don't
38. Who was the best new person you met? my bf
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. short of death, nothing will kill me. oh, and psyche meds are a good thing. :)
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year? "But now, look at her, she got this, game on lock" -Musiq

two cool things

i have two cool things to tell about...

1-i got this nail polishing kit that actually buffs your nails to a smooth shine without actually painting them. i love it!!

2-i got to cuddle a baby opossum today. one of my friends volunteers for a wild animal rehab, and they rescued these babies from a mom who had been killed. two of them are slightly handicapped, and therefor can't be released. so my friend was given the okay to socialize them. so i got to hold one, and let it crawl around my lap, and pet it...and they're really soft. i never would have thought they would be soft. you may not think of an opossum as a cute, cuddly animal but for one, these are babies, and babies of almost anything are cute. and yeah, they actually really like to cuddle. it was a really cool experience that i'll probably never get again. if my friend sends me the pics she took i'll post one.

ok, back to work. :)

hohum

i'm at work right now and i have nothing to do. which is odd...i've only been doing this job in this department for like a month. so i know i don't have my shit together that much to have nothing to do already. but here i sit...wasting the last 15 (i hope) minutes until my bf comes to pick me up and take me to buy vegetables. yes, vegetables specifically. its just fun to say the word to yourself while your typing. try it...v e g e t a b l e s...for some reason when i say it slowly my mind gives it a british accent. or maybe thats because i watched one of my all time favorite movies last night...4 weddings and a funeral....and i have hugh g's blinking, stuttering, charming humor stuck in my head. that really is one of the best movies, if for no other reason than coining the phrase "fuck-a-doodle-do" which i say on the regular.

right...that took up a whopping 5 minutes. i can see this is going to be harder than i thought.

the real challenge here is trying to type very delicately so that the other people in the room think i'm working and not sending email or whatever. i play these games with myself when i'm at work to try to make the every-day more fun. like...when i used to have to print and log the resumes every day i would try to guess how many times i had to copy & paste the date in the spread sheet. if the last resume to be logged came on the last line with the date in it i won. of course, i never told anyone...until now...and i feel really incredibly stupid to actual admit to doing...so it was my own little delite whenever i won. the typing is kind of like that. maybe that's why i like doing these kinds of jobs. or maybe its just that i'm still so happy and grateful to not be working behind the counter of a record store i can barely stand it. or maybe i'm just a little stupid. probably all of them. i wonder if anyone else makes up stupid little private games to get them through their monotonous days.

bella luna...take 2

ok, ok...i'll write the damn thing again because every time i think about the planetarium i start laughing...

ok, so my work had its xmas party tonight, and they had it at a space and science museum. and it was a beautiful night and the moon was bright...i did not do that on purpose...and all the telescopes were on for us to look through. i got to look at the moon super close up and it was amazing. when i was a teenager i was a little obsessed with the moon. and i remember many a night out in the park getting drunk or high or both with my friends...and i would just stare up at the moon. i love that damn thing.

i took one of my best friends and my bf to the party, which was cool cause they get along really well so we always have fun together. and she's great for getting more bang for her buck, so to speak...meaning she got the one volunteer to refocus the first telescope so we could look at the moon even more close up. and she got the second guy to rotate the ceiling so we could see how cool it was and how it makes you really dizzy if you watch it.

but by far the best part of the night was the show in the planetarium about block holes. the show itself was really cool, but mostly i didn't have the slightest clue what the hell they were talking about. every thing gets sucked in, and twisted up, and possibly spit out...whatever!! its all crazy shit that we're more or less making up as we go along...or an einstein went along. ANYWAY, the reason it was so great was because one of my coworkers sat in front of us with his wife, and two daughters, and two nephews, all under the age of five. they were all hyper and running around and couldn't wait for the show to start. well, the minute the lights went out the two little boys started to cry. and the little girl started to say "daddy, i'm scared. when are they going to turn the lights back on. i want to leave now." and her dad kept going "sssshh! be quiet! watch the movie! shut up!" and i know its terrible but i couldn't help myself. i had to cover my mouth i wanted to laugh out loud so bad. and my bf was no better. every time i looked at him his whole body was convulsing with silent laughter. it was terrible and wonderful.

and i know i'm going straight to hell because i'm still laughing about it.

fuck

wow! i just spent a half an hour writing this big old, 3 paragraph entry about my works xmas party and the whole fucking thing got erased!! that fucking sucks! i can't even go there now. fuck!

well well

so, i got to talk to my good friend from back home last night and she was encouraging me to blog and put my music online and all kinds of stuff, and i was kind of blowing it all off. but then i logged back on to her blog and started reading, and clicked on the link she had on there to another one of our friends blog, and well, i started getting all nostalgic and missing everyone and i thought, well shit, maybe i should do it. i don't know how long i'll do it...but i guess thats just not the point.

so now that i'm doing it i have no idea what to say.

i got into an arguement with one of my friends today. she and i signed up to go to jenny craig together...or rather, we went together, we signed up together, we got the big discount for signing up for a whole year together, but she didn't think that meant we would actually go every week together. see, i'm a newbie. she's been going for a year now, but not me. and she really has no idea what it took for me to get up the guts just to go in the first place. especially when the day i called...i got all my guts together, dialed the number,and...the woman on the other line said "um, i can't see you tonight cause, like, then i'll have been working for 14 hours straight and i can't do that" see, here's the thing right...i'm in my 30s, and i just got my drivers license this year. i don't have a car, and i don't have a way to get to this stupid place. so when my friend said i could come with her i thought it'd be pretty self evident that i would need to get rides with her, ya know, with my situation being carless and whatnot. so when miss thing on the other end of the phone couldn't help me, and my friend was scheduling the appointment time based on when she, and her car, could make it...well, you get the idea. the shit wasn't made easy for me. throw in my millions of years of being over weight, being taken to weight watchers when i was 10, being treated like a lepper my whole life for being fat...i think its pretty fucking amazing that i made it to the place at all. (not as amazing as my first trip to the gym, but thats another story all together.) so when my friend told me that she didn't realize i was counting on her for rides, and that she didn't intend to go every week, all the wind came out of my sails and i felt all the confidence i had that this time it was "going to work" 5 minutes before she called, never even existed. once again it was a problem i had to solve. once again i couldn't rely on my friends. in an instant all the therrrapy (say that with a Nelly accent)(you know, the rapper)i've been having never happened and he whole damn world was out to get me once again.

so then i called my bf crying cause damn it, aren't bf's supposed to be good for that?? and he said i can borrow his car every sunday morning for the next year. he can be really sweet. i sure hope we don't break up...then my one semi-successful relationship will no longer be successful AND i won't have a ride to stupid jenny craig. no, jenny craig's not stupid. its fine actually. i'm the mental case when it comes to anything at all that has to do with my body and/or how i feel about it. jenny is supposedly going to help me with that. her and my therrrapist.

other than that the highlight of my day today was getting out of the office to take my coworkers dog, Polar, out for a long walk on my lunch break. he is the coolest dog i've ever met...ever. i mean, i love the dog so much i take him for walks every day, and pick up his poop, and he's not even mine!! i wouldn't do that for someone elses child! well, i hope i wouldn't have to do that for someone elses child, i mean, children generally wear diapers and all that...whatever, the dog is the bomb. and he gets me out of my chair every day. and he gives everyone there puppy love. and every knows that puppy love is the most pure kind of love there is.