well well

so, i got to talk to my good friend from back home last night and she was encouraging me to blog and put my music online and all kinds of stuff, and i was kind of blowing it all off. but then i logged back on to her blog and started reading, and clicked on the link she had on there to another one of our friends blog, and well, i started getting all nostalgic and missing everyone and i thought, well shit, maybe i should do it. i don't know how long i'll do it...but i guess thats just not the point.

so now that i'm doing it i have no idea what to say.

i got into an arguement with one of my friends today. she and i signed up to go to jenny craig together...or rather, we went together, we signed up together, we got the big discount for signing up for a whole year together, but she didn't think that meant we would actually go every week together. see, i'm a newbie. she's been going for a year now, but not me. and she really has no idea what it took for me to get up the guts just to go in the first place. especially when the day i called...i got all my guts together, dialed the number,and...the woman on the other line said "um, i can't see you tonight cause, like, then i'll have been working for 14 hours straight and i can't do that" see, here's the thing right...i'm in my 30s, and i just got my drivers license this year. i don't have a car, and i don't have a way to get to this stupid place. so when my friend said i could come with her i thought it'd be pretty self evident that i would need to get rides with her, ya know, with my situation being carless and whatnot. so when miss thing on the other end of the phone couldn't help me, and my friend was scheduling the appointment time based on when she, and her car, could make it...well, you get the idea. the shit wasn't made easy for me. throw in my millions of years of being over weight, being taken to weight watchers when i was 10, being treated like a lepper my whole life for being fat...i think its pretty fucking amazing that i made it to the place at all. (not as amazing as my first trip to the gym, but thats another story all together.) so when my friend told me that she didn't realize i was counting on her for rides, and that she didn't intend to go every week, all the wind came out of my sails and i felt all the confidence i had that this time it was "going to work" 5 minutes before she called, never even existed. once again it was a problem i had to solve. once again i couldn't rely on my friends. in an instant all the therrrapy (say that with a Nelly accent)(you know, the rapper)i've been having never happened and he whole damn world was out to get me once again.

so then i called my bf crying cause damn it, aren't bf's supposed to be good for that?? and he said i can borrow his car every sunday morning for the next year. he can be really sweet. i sure hope we don't break up...then my one semi-successful relationship will no longer be successful AND i won't have a ride to stupid jenny craig. no, jenny craig's not stupid. its fine actually. i'm the mental case when it comes to anything at all that has to do with my body and/or how i feel about it. jenny is supposedly going to help me with that. her and my therrrapist.

other than that the highlight of my day today was getting out of the office to take my coworkers dog, Polar, out for a long walk on my lunch break. he is the coolest dog i've ever met...ever. i mean, i love the dog so much i take him for walks every day, and pick up his poop, and he's not even mine!! i wouldn't do that for someone elses child! well, i hope i wouldn't have to do that for someone elses child, i mean, children generally wear diapers and all that...whatever, the dog is the bomb. and he gets me out of my chair every day. and he gives everyone there puppy love. and every knows that puppy love is the most pure kind of love there is.